Criminalized Victim

Dear Vudes and Tus,

So basically I was "playing" a basketball game against the Westminster Christian School in Ft. Lauderdale, FL. Naturally we lost the game by a tremendous deficit due to their superior level of skill and darker skin tone, but that was far from the biggest L I took that night. On my return to the locker room I discovered that my Macintosh 3000 had been stolen! As I was walking out of the gym I saw their coach with it. I was tempted to approach him, but I decided to wait until the next day to call the coach. I called the coach and asked for my laptop, but he denied all allegations of having possession of it. He claimed the only thing he had was his own laptop which he acquired yesterday from the locker room and that I have no proof it is mine. I decided to take matters in to my own hand and break into the locker room that night and steal all of Westminster's Secret Stuff™️. The next morning the coach was furious, he called me and told me that he would give me my Mac as soon as possible in return for the Westminster's Secret Stuff™️. He drove to my house that night and returned my Mac. Was this allowed?

Sincerely,

Criminalized Victim

Dear Criminalized Victim,

The Rash, Shulchan Aruch, and the Ramah actually discuss a very similar case of taking matters into your own hand. According to the Rash and the Shulchan Aruch you cannot take collateral and therefore what you did wouldn't be allowed. According to the Ramah, however, you can take collateral as long as it doesn't result in violence. Therefore, what you did was completely permissible. Basically, as long as you're a light skinned Ashkenazi you're good.

Always at your service,

Vudes and Tus