Honey Roasted

Dear Vudes and Tus,

Pa died yesterday. He was a good and successful man. Or so I thought. When he died, I immediately ran to the barn and shot his favorite pig in the snout and fired up the ol' George Forman. It sure made for a mighty fine dinner treat. This morning, my neighbor Larry came over and asked where the runt was. I told him it was somewhere in my stomach by now, with a chuckle. He whipped out his Glock and shot me in the hindquarters. It was only a tranq' dart, but still. He claims I owe him for the pig. What on God's green earth do I do in this here situation?

Sincerely,

IncestualChild

Dear IncestualChild,

For this case we refer you to the newest category on our blog, written by Tosafot, called "Zero Control Accidents". Tosafot believes that a case such as yours would fall under his category. In your case, Tosafot says that you wouldn't have to pay, because there was no way you could've controlled the accident, since you thought it was your Pa's pig. As always, however, there is another opinion. We learned that Tosafot's blog column may not be so valid, because our manager, Mr. Rambo Ban, disagrees with his perspective. Mr. Ban thinks that this category of accidents doesn't actually exist and was just made up by Tosafot. While Mr. Ban thinks that you wouldn't have to pay either, he has different reasoning. In this case, Ban thinks that you can't blame someone else, because there was no other party directly involved at the time of the accident. His colleague, the Steip Meister, told us that he believes you're exempt, because you have every right to eat your Pa's animal, which you truly believed that it was. Regardless of which opinion you follow, they all agree that you wouldn't need to pay here.

Sincerely,

Vudes and Tus